moving again!

for the few of you still reading, i am moving the blog. i'm going to put it back on my facebook page and probably start blogging more steadily since classes are over. visually i'm loving the wordpress interface so much more than the blogger one. plus i can use my own pictures for the header. wahoo! so head on over to: http://raquel41.wordpress.com/ 

it's even easier to type in :O) 

spiritual formation reflection...

Where are you experiencing God’s presence in your life and in your seminary work?
I’ve been struggling for four days with how to answer this question in a way that is not just a list of people, places, and events. I created a collage to help me express my first year of seminary, art is a fun way for me to try and figure some answers out. I’ve included the collage as part of my reflection, and I’ve also decided there is no real way around it, this reflection will be a little bit like a list. 
But lists aren’t always bad, lists of ingredients and instructions helped me make my first Red Velvet cake, our class syllabuses are essentially lists of expectations and readings, the bulletin to a Sunday service is an orderly list of events, I was near the end in a long list of performers in the Vagina Monologues, and even this reflection is on a list of things I need to do in the next five days. So lets tackle this list of lists one by one, as each item demonstrates somewhere I have found God with me this semester.
Red Velvet cake has always been a bit of a mystery to me. I’ve seen it several times each a slightly different shade of red. I can’t say as I’ve ever eaten it before this year, but as I had been invited to a potluck on Easter, with lots of genuine southerners, I felt I should try a southern dessert. I had planned on being at home for Easter, leaving Richmond in time to make it home for Maundy Thursday services and not coming back until the day after Easter. My plans were changed by my CPM and I found myself stuck here for the holiday. I was pretty sad about staying here, I’d been feeling a little isolated and not part of things, but the same day I found out I wasn’t going home for Easter, I was invited to a potluck with a bunch of other seminary students. As I made Red Velvet cupcakes from scratch I was struck by my circumstances and by how much God was really present, even in the events that seem to be unfortunate in the beginning. My missed trip home turned into a great time for fellowship, friendship and community building. All of which were watched over by God’s loving presence. 
During Holy Week I attended services at Ginter Park. I’ve been going there all semester long and I’m enjoying the chance to get to know another church community. It seems to be the easy answer to say that God is present at a church, but it’s true! Every week I walk down Seminary Ave, usually with another seminary student and then I get to worship with a whole congregation full of people who care about the life of the church. From the music to the children playing in the front of the sanctuary, I feel God’s presence each week I am there. 
A course syllabus can be a scary thing: readings, assignments, grade scales. All that expectation fit into just a few short pages. When I had committed to attending seminary one of the scariest things to me was Hebrew. All I knew about it was that it was totally different than anything I already knew, and that it would be hard. I was right on both counts, but what I didn’t expect was the powerful connection I felt with the language, nor the community that formed in our baby Hebrew class. As we spent the year learning the ancient language of our brothers and sisters and bonding over quiz accountability and Todd’s cooking, you could always feel God there. There was stress and anxiety as well as mystery and beauty, and through all of it there was God’s presence. 
A very different place I found God was in the performance of the Vagina Monologues. Working with such strong women, performing for such a good cause, and being supported by so many students, faculty and staff was an amazing experience. I got to know the other women in the cast much better as we bonded over saying explicit words in a chapel and our dedication to women’s rights. If God isn’t present in the fight for social justice and equality, I don’t know where God is! 
As should be apparent from the paper thus far, I’ve found God in expected places as well as unexpected ones. Almost every day, if I slow down to look, I can find the presence of God alive and well in my life. One of the things that Spiritual Formation class has helped me do this semester is to slow down and pay more attention to my own relationship with God. It’s easy to get caught up in the academics of seminary, but it’s just as important to be sure you’re nurturing your own relationship with God throughout the process. I’m thankful for the people and events that have helped me to be open to God’s presence this semester and I’m sure that as long as I keep my eyes open there will be many more moments over the next three years. 

WAHOOOOOOO

i was approved as an inquirer tonight!!! it's the first step toward becoming an ordained pastor :O) wahoo!!!

Becoming a Presbyterian Minister

Presbyterians believe that all persons are called to ministry in their communities, however particular forms of leadership are needed for the work of the church.  Presbyterians understand a call to ministry to have three parts: 1) an inner sense of call; 2) a community that tests this sense of call; and 3) a call from a community to serve in a particular place. 
 

A person who feels called by God to be a Presbyterian minister, known as a Minister of the Word and Sacrament, begins by expressing that desire to a church's Session (governing board). The person must be an active member of the church for at least six months before this can happen. If the Session agrees, the request proceeds to the Committee on Preparation for Ministry of the church's presbytery (regional governing body). There follows an "inquiry" period, during which the person explores the implications of becoming a minister together with the Session and the presbytery committee.  The inquiry phase normally lasts two years. Its purpose is to determine the person's suitability for ordination as a Minister of the Word and Sacrament. At the end of this phase, the inquirer must demonstrate personal faith, a sense of self-understanding, an understanding of the Reformed tradition, what it means to be Presbyterian, and an understanding of the task of being a minister. If the presbytery is satisfied, the person becomes a "candidate" for ministry. During this phase, full and intensive preparation occurs under scrutiny of the Session and the Committee on Preparation for Ministry. Routinely, candidates have a college undergraduate degree (usually four years) and complete a seminary degree (usually three years). In addition, candidates must pass national exams that demonstrate their competence in the fields of theology, Bible (including content and a working knowledge of Greek and Hebrew), church polity, and worship and Sacraments. The candidate is examined by the Committee on Preparation for Ministry and, after presenting a personal statement of faith and preaching a sermon, by the presbytery itself. If the examination is sustained and the candidate receives a valid call to ministry, the presbytery ordains him or her to the office of Minister of the Word and Sacrament. Only a presbytery may ordain a minister, not a congregation

the dogwood is the official flower of VA

reflection on holy week

I began this holy week on a real high note. I participated in a spectacular worship service that incorporated drums, dancing, singing and participatory reading of the lectionary.  It was full of life and joy and community. I’m going to a new church this semester, one I hope to attend for as long as possible. I’m starting to get to know the attendees who aren’t seminary related, and creating better relationships with those who are. It was a great service and I expected to end the week with services at my home church, getting home for Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and Easter Sunday services at my home church. I haven’t been home since January and really wanted to visit home, my friends, family and church.  On Tuesday I found out that I wasn’t going to be heading home until the 19^th. I was devastated. I know that it’s only about a week, and really what’s the big deal, but it was still hard. It was so hard to find God at work in this that I wrote it down as the place where God had been most absent for me this week. I feel a little disconnected at seminary, like I don’t have a group of friends to belong to, like I don’t have my own community. I am, of course, part of a greater community, but I still find myself feeling alone a lot of the time. I started to make my week busy, planning services to go to (there is no shortage during holy week!), a potluck to attend, research to do, and friends to drop off at the airport. I sent a friend an email saying I wasn’t coming home this weekend after all and she shot one back saying, in part, but you’ll get to experience holy week with your new church community, that has to hold some appeal, yes? And I thought, well of course it holds some appeal, but it’s still not home. I tried to shake off the cranky mood and went to chapel this morning. All during holy week they’ve been having chapel services at 7:30 in the morning, now most days this is just way to early for me, but today I had Hebrew at 8:30, and the president of the seminary was preaching, so I figured I would go. My roommate and I went and it was a beautiful service, complete with communion. The sermon was about being lost and about finding your way. President Blount told a story of getting lost in Philadelphia, and his son telling him to find his grandparents house, and then they would know where they were and how to get where they were going. The message to us this Maundy Thursday was to find the cross and from there find your way home. As I made my way to Maundy Thursday service tonight I was still feeling apprehensive, but looking forward to our soup supper, communion and foot washing worship. We ate and laughed and prayed and fed each other and washed each others’ feet. And I finally felt like I belonged.  I find myself grounded by my faith. I know that I am in a much better place when I am surrounded by a community of believers, and tonight I felt that way again. I have a long way to go to feel completely at home here, but I am starting to feel comfortable, and that’s saying a lot. As a pastor in training sometimes I look at the daily lectionary, knowing that sometime soon (you know, like next spring in class) I’m going to have to look at it and try and figure out what God is saying to me through the text. I know some days will be harder than others, but as I looked at today’s  morning psalm, it seemed easy, 27:1-14 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? When evildoers assail me to devour my flesh- my adversaries and foes- they shall stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident.  One thing I asked of the Lord, that will I seek after: to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple. For he will hide me in his shelter in the day of trouble; he will conceal me under the cover of his tent; he will set me high on a rock. Now my head is lifted up above my enemies all around me, and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the Lord. Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud, be gracious to me and answer me! “Come,” my heart says, “seek his face!” Your face, Lord, do I seek. Do not hide your face from me. Do not turn your servant away in anger, you who have been my help. Do not cast me off, do not forsake me, O God of my salvation! If my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will take me up. Teach me your way, O Lord, and lead me on a level path because of my enemies.  Do not give me up to the will of my adversaries, for false witnesses have risen against me, and they are breathing out of violence. I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

 

Find the cross and then find the way home. Amen. 

happy april!

Hey! April is Donate Life month! A month to celebrate organ donors and to raise awareness about organ and tissue donation. Because my dad is so cool, his hospital had him film a little commercial type thing for them about his experience with the transplant. 

this is my dad!

hellloooo

hello blogosphere! how are you? i've been wicked busy the past week, and that trend continues this week...i have a history paper, spiritual formation reflection, ethics midterm and hebrew quiz this week. and a 5k that i'm volunteering at on saturday. sigh. i'm exhausted already.  this past saturday was earth hour, and while we didn't have a huge crazy light turning out ceremony it was still fun to hang out in the dark and sing songs and eat dessert. boston.com (i think that's the globe) has a cool collection of some monuments and cities that went dark for earth hour. check, check, check it out! 

i'll try and write more later this week. love and hugs. r

Earth Hour 2009

hey everyone! just wanted to be sure you all knew about a fun event that's happening this saturday from 8:30-9:30pm, wherever you live. Earth Hour is an event where everyone is encouraged to unplug for an hour. there's an amazing video on the earth hour website of different cities turning lights off around the world. we're participating here at my seminary and i wanted to post the promotional sign i made using materials found in our student center, mostly in the recycling bins. 

grrr..and again i can't figure out how to make the whole picture fit. sigh. so click it and it gets bigger! like magic

and i went to boston too...

if you click on the pictures they get bigger...the second two are horizontal shots and are pretty cut off on the blog. 

couple of pics from va beach

same here. click the pictures to see the whole thing. 

this weeks sign of the apocalypse

i know i'm a little out of it, but i just checked out the NIT brackets and PENN STATE is ranked higher than UK. now, the apocalyptic signs are everwhere: 1. PSU and UK are in the same tournament 2. it's the NIT 3. PSU has a higher seed. it's time to bunker down. the end is near! 

the wheels on the bus go round and round...

hello blog! just a quick update as i will be writing more tomorrow and the next day, i'm sure. i spent the weekend at virgina beach, hanging out with the staff of the summer internship that i'll be doing. it was rainy and cold, but we had a great time. while we were there a friend from seminary called me and said that she had a family emergency and was heading up to boston on monday, could i come with her. well, having no spring break plans i said sure! so i left va beach at 10 this morning and got to boston a little after 10 tonight. i've been in the car for all but 2 of the hours i've been awake today! and i'm ready for bed... i'm here in boston for a few days, we'll leave thursday morning and we're not sure if we're heading straight back to richmond or if we'll go somewhere on the way back down south. i'll post more later, but just wanted to say hi to the blog world! i forgot my chord to get my pictures off my camera and onto the laptop. but soon! soon! there will be beachy pictures :O) hope you're all having a lovely week! 

procrastinating!

i should be reading for history or studying hebrew vocab, but instead i'm blogging. bad raquel. so we had dinner as a group tonight. our friend cooked and invited lots of people to come over and eat and take a break from midterm studying. dinner was fantastic, dessert was amazing, and we had a blast, just all sitting around and eating and talking and laughing. and since it was dinner the talk turned to food. but not any food, our campus dining hall food. now, i want to start by saying that our dining hall does a lot that is wonderful. if we have events we can use the silverware, glasses and plates- they even get them ready for us and wash them after the event; the produce is always amazing, our salad bar is always stocked with fresh fruits and veggies year round; they have coke products for which i (a diet coke addict) am forever grateful; they have fruit we can take with us; they do so many things well. but sometimes, it goes horribly wrong. and we have bad food, or just ok food, or hot pockets. yes. sometimes they put out hot pockets. and it's fine, you just make a salad or a sandwich that day, but still. so anyway tonight we were talking about our dining hall. most of the people at dinner eat there on a daily basis and so there were some complaints. and one person was apparently not happy with our complaining and started saying very loudly 'well at least you have food', and 'at least you can pay for the food', and 'there are starving people out there'. sigh. now, all of these things are correct, so what's my problem? well, some days the food is terrible. some days we all eat sandwiches because the other option is just gross. i am a firm believer that just because someone else has it worse than you, doesn't mean you have to accept something that's bad. when i was a counselor i would hear it time after time, because the client had a friend who had been beat up much worse, she felt like she shouldn't complain. this is not true! it is ok to have standards, it is possible to have standards as well as empathy for those people who don't have as much as you do. their lives are challenging in different ways than our lives, doesn't mean we need to take an oath of poverty and go live off the land. it might mean that for some people, but it probably doesn't for everyone. it's also possible to help those who are less fortunate than yourself and enjoy the things you are gifted with. 

ok. rant over. back to studying! also, if you haven't you should watch the jim gaffigan (sp?) piece on 'hot pockets'. if you go to youtube and search for 'hot pockets' its usually one of the first results :O) 

say what now?

i was reading a blog that i LOVE the other day and one of the contributers wrote the following sentence "i've never seen anything close to proof of the existence of any god in this world."  needless to say, i don't agree :O) for me it's easy. i wake up every morning and see god in the world. god is in the flowers and the trees, the sidewalks and buildings, the singing and the silence. whenever i doubt god, which happens more than you might think at seminary, all i have to do is think about visiting my friend in the hospital the morning after she gave birth. sitting there holding the hand of a 12 hour old baby, there can be no doubt in my mind about the existence of god. it's also something i try to convey in my pictures. that's why so many of them are of nature. i most easily and most consistently find god in nature. i try to capture that in my photographs. i know i don't always hit the mark, but i greatly enjoy trying. 

it's midterm week here at school so probably not much posting in the next few days. i have a history final that is sure to kick my butt. i will be in the library if you need me! i'll probably blog friday after it's over. 

happy wednesday! 

think i'll float on down, to richmond town

my mom and dad came to visit this weekend, here are just a few pictures. the monument is the robert e lee monument, the other thing is down at the river, and then the library. just so you can contrast that to the snowy library from a week prior :O) more on fbook. as always. happy monday!

it snowed!

we got about 9 inches of snow this past sunday night/monday morning. it was super fun, we had a huge snowball fight, played snow football, built snowpeople. and now it's slowly warming up to weekend highs in the upper 70's. it's great!

why i said 'coochi snorcher' in a chapel. and why i'd do it again.

in the past month i've had to become comfortable with the following things: saying 'coochi snorcher', acting out the memory of a rape, talking about masturbating in front of a woman, listening to fellow students moan, curse and yell. i've had to do all of this in front of my seminary president, inside the oldest chapel on our campus, which dates back almost 200 years.  so why did i do this? i told the story 'the little coochi snorcher that could' in our seminary production of 'the vagina monologues'. yes. you read that correctly. our seminary put on 'the vagina monologues'. if you don't know much about the monologues, you can read about them here. their wiki page has a good round up of criticism and controversy as well as a basic description.

so why did we do the monologues? and why in a chapel? the performance was part of 'gender justice week' here at union-psce. we spent the week with different activities; conversations about the difference in pastoral care with men and women, community break featuring a local DV center, planned parenthood, and a local health clinic, the showing of a video that supported sexual assault survivors, the selling of luminaries in honor of survivors of DV or SA, and the performance of 'the vagina monologues'. the cast was made up of students, faculty, staff, alumni, and even the wife of a student. we spent time practicing our monologues and when the time came to put our one night only performance on, we were all pretty excited and terrified, or as i said that night 'i'm scared and i can't wait'.  so why in a chapel? well. we are a seminary and the largest spaces we have available to us are both chapels. the only other option would have been to hold the performance in the dining hall, or move it off campus. we held it in the larger of the two chapels, which also happens to be the older of the two chapels. we moved all the chapel like stuff off the little stage area and the only thing that was left out was the baptismal font, and that's because the spotlight monologue, about a girl with fistula, was called 'baptized'.  

i hadn't heard much controversy surrounding our performance of the VM's, i'm not sure if people weren't talking about it or if they just weren't talking about it to those of us in the show. but after the monologues were over, hellooooo controversy. now let me set the stage the night of the show. some of us started up in the balcony, so we're sitting up there watching the people come in...'oh my gosh, there's a dean, oh my gosh there's another dean, oh my gosh there's my (insert class here) prof, OH MY GOSH THERE'S THE PRESIDENT OF OUR SEMINARY'. yes. our seminary president came to the vagina monologues. and it looked like he was having a pretty good time. so we did our performance, went home, passed out from exhaustion, and woke up and got on facebook (we are in grad school) and that is when the controversy began. there were lots of people who thought we did a great thing, and a few who really felt like we had not done a great thing, indeed that we had done something very, very wrong in having the VM's in the chapel. bless their hearts. there was one persons note that garnered, at last count, 60 comments. lots of this persons friends jumped on and were bashing us for doing this performance, and quoting scripture saying that since homosexuality was in the VM's and not in a way that was clearly defined as wrong that it shouldn't have even been on the seminary campus. others basically said they disagreed with some of the content so it shouldn't have been there, some said, and this part really pissed me off, that no one took into consideration how this performance would reflect on their ability to get a job, bless his heart. 

so why do i think it was an appropriate time and place? firstly, and this is no small thing, this was the space that would allow us to sell the most tickets. the money we raised went to the fistula foundation (you can read about it in the link above) and the more money we raised, the more girls we could help. secondly, we were not going to have it in the dining hall. thirdly, we asked, and received permission to have it there. yes it is a chapel, but it's also just a space with a lot of seats. when i came for my weekend to inquire we had a concert in this chapel. it was much less controversial, but still, that's not worship. someone pointed out at some point we use the chapel for weddings, not worship,when i worked with high school kids they played sardines, met in small groups, played 'capture the cookie', sang songs, watched slideshows, had discussions about sex; all of which i'd argue are important in the life of the church, but not worship. also, as others pointed out, god is bigger than the chapel. if we had performed this in the dining hall god would have been there. god is with us through the good times, the bad times, the heartbreaking times. it's absurd to think god is confined to one space. by allowing us to use the chapel our administration was saying that these issues, women's issues, are important to them. ending violence against women is important to them. that there is a place in the church for you if you've been abused, if you've been raped, if you're gay, if you're  a sex worker, if you're a british woman on a blue mat with a hand mirror. there's a song i used to sing in my youth group. 'they will know we are christians by our love'. allowing this performance to go on, in the chapel, on the seminary campus, supported by the president, various deans, various professors, loads of students, and many others shows our love for the survivors in our midst, and lets them know that the church is a place for them. 

wild geese

Wild Geese
by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes, 
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, 
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting — 
over and over announcing your place 
in the family of things.

from Dream Work by Mary Oliver 
published by Atlantic Monthly Press
© Mary Oliver

Dustin Lance Black's oscar acceptance speech for "Milk"

"Oh my God. This was, um, this was not an easy film to make. First off, I have to thank Cleve Jones and Anne Kronenberg and all the real-life people who shared their stories with me. And, um, Gus Van Sant, Sean Penn,Emile Hirsh, James Brolin, James Franco and our entire cast, my producers Dan Jinks and Bruce Cohen, everyone at Groundswell and Focus for taking on the challenge of telling this life-saving story.

When I was 13 years old, my beautiful mother and my father moved me from a conservative Mormon home in San Antonio, Texas to California, and I heard the story of Harvey Milk. And it gave me hope. It gave me the hope to live my life. It gave me the hope one day I could live my life openly as who I am and then maybe even I could even fall in love and one day get married.

I wanna thank my mom, who has always loved me for who I am even when there was pressure not to. But most of all, if Harvey had not been taken from us 30 years ago, I think he'd want me to say to all of the gay and lesbian kids out there tonight who have been told that they are less than by their churches, by the government or by their families, that you are beautiful, wonderful creatures of value and that no matter what anyone tells you, God does love you and that very soon, I promise you, you will have equal rights federally, across this great nation of ours.

Thank you. Thank you. And thank you, God, for giving us Harvey Milk".

This week in Hebrew…

Monday was a great class:

We started on a good note and didn’t have a quiz (yay!) and spent the day translating part of the story of Abraham and Sarah (at this point still Abram and Sarai). It bowls me over that I can translate parts of the bible, even if they are sections that are dumbed down for baby Hebrew scholars. If the bible is Jeopardy, our book has sections that are Celebrity Jeopardy. The author has taken it and put in into easier language so that we can read it all. So we read and translated and talked about the story as we were going through it, and we learned two of our teachers favorite words (this will be important later), in Hebrew the words for donkey differ if it’s a male donkey or a female donkey. So a male donkey is “hamor” and a female donkey is “aton”, just in case you ever need to know. The other word we spent a lot of time on was the word “hessid”, hessid is a type of kindness. It’s not random kindness but kindness that is ingrained in you, that is an automatic response. It’s hard to explain but our Hebrew teacher told us a lovely story illustrating the point.

Thursday, 8:30am:

Our second Hebrew class of the day is Thursdays at 8:30 in the morning. I think it should be illegal to have a language class (a biblical language class!!) at 8:30 in the morning, but that’s just me. Anyway, we went to Hebrew knowing we would have a quiz, and we did, but we had a class quiz, which means we get to answer the questions together and then everyone gets 100% on the quiz. Wahoo! So that was fantastic thing #1, then one of the guys in our class likes to bake, and frequently he brings in home baked goods for class and Thursday he brought us come lemon Poppy seed bread and some cinnamon coffee cake type stuff. It was warm and yummy. And then fantastic thing #3. We were reading from Genesis, this time actually reading out of our Hebrew bibles (regular Jeopardy) and I got all but one word correct with my pronunciation and I got to lead the class in reciting the verse :O) go me!

 

So after class I came home and was on my computer and I was talking to my sister and we had this conversation

sister:  ... also, some ass keeps smoking in our apartment building and it smells disgusting.

 me:  oh oh. is it a male or a female smoking?

 sister:  not sure....why

 me:  if it's a "male donkey or he-ass" he's "hamor"

 and if it's a "lady donkey" as my hebrew prof says, she is "aton"

 sister:  ......you need to see a movie or something

That's all for this installment of "This Week in Hebrew", stay tuned for more hilarious stories :O) 

get crafty!

looking for something to do? i bet this website can give you some ideas!! i just discovered it a few minutes ago while procrastinating. good stuff for the craftily inclined :O) 

http://www.craftstylish.com/

mary oliver...

The Summer Day

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean -
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down -
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down 
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do 
with your one wild and precious life?

- Mary Oliver

God's Love

God's Love

Question of the day: How does accepting God's love change us?

God's love is total, unconditional, absolute and forever. The state of grace- God's attitude toward us- is eternal. We are the ones who change. 

Sometimes we are able to believe that God loves us unconditionally, absolutely and forever. That's grace! And sometimes because we get down on ourselves, and carry guilt and fear and burdens, we are not able to believe that God loves us.  Biblically, that's the greatest sin: not to believe the good news, not to accept the unconditional love of God. When we no longer believe God loves us, we can no longer love ourselves.  We have to allow God to continually fill us.  Then we find in our own lives the power to give love away. 

from The Great Themes of Scripture, p. 107

current mantra: I know and believe the love God has for me. 

This entry comes from a daily meditation email from Richard Rohr. It came to me from my pastor to an email list I'm on. It is good for me to hear things like this every once in awhile, indeed it's probably good to hear them every day. I may get told this everyday, but I know I don't hear it. Sometimes you just need to stop and listen. 

aaaannnd

in the spirit of valentines day, and because kerrie also loves it...here is the most fantastic ring EVER!  i'm not gonna lie, it does appear to be a pretty small diamond, but i think i could be ok with that. it's like a dr. seuss engagement ring. i LOVE it!! 

interview!!

so i applied to the starbucks in the target (aka heaven) and then i applied to the ywca of richmond for a part time shelter counselor type position. and i got a call yesterday to set up an interview for the shelter type job! i'm excited because it's something i've done before, something that would (i think) pretty easily fit into my life and would be conducive to being employed and still going to school.  and i've decided to do an internship here in richmond this summer so i can keep my job over the summer and then hopefully when i have august off (!!!!!) i will be able to get some time off to go home for a while. also, i'll get paid for my internship so i should be able to save a good deal of money over the summer. yay! ok, i need to finish reading (or at least skimming) my 100 pages of calvin for my history class. hope you all have a great weekend! happy valentines day! love and hugs, r

hello hello

So I played with my schedule last week and instead of taking the  class on ‘group process’ I’ve changed into a half credit class on ‘spiritual formation’. So I’m in 3.5 credits this semester, not 4, and I’m ok with that. There are a few reasons for switching my schedule, one reason is that 4 required courses was overwhelming. I do think I could have done it, I’m not sure I could have done the courses, been involved in the vagina monologues, been part of the ultimate Frisbee planning team, gone to the gym, and still been active on the ecological awareness committee. Oh and get a job (hopefully).  So I switched out. Another reason is that I don’t think I could have taken the class and held it together for all 3 months. The course is a very introspective course, the prof tries to get the course to engage in group therapy. When none of the group members are therapists ( I don’t even think the prof is). I’ve been in therapy in the not so distant past and I didn’t think I could enter into that environment, however artificial, and be ok. So peace out group process, hello spiritual formation. Spiritual Formation is what I think everyone thinks seminary is.  We learn new ways to pray, an ongoing assignment is to spend 20ish minutes a day in prayer, and we discuss how the types of prayer help or don’t help our personal spiritual formation.  It’s really the only course we have where we talk about our own relationship with God. Everything else is wicked cool, like Hebrew, or kinda cool, like ethics, but definitely academic, not spiritual. We can take spiritual formation twice if we want and get an entire credit for it. It’s pretty awesome and after just the first day I feel like everyone should have to take it each semester. We have chapel three times a week and most of us end up at a church, but we’re still in grad school. And unless it’s built in to a class, it’s really hard to have time for spiritual formation in your everyday schedule, along with all the other work we’re doing.  Believe it or not there are seminarians who don’t go to church. They say that this is the last time in their life that they won’t have to be in church every Sunday, so they’re taking it off. I don’t feel as grounded if I don’t go to church, and I’m loving meeting a new church family. I made my goal for this semester (and then hopefully forever) to take Sunday as a real Sabbath. To not work or do schoolwork on Sundays. I try to not go to any stores, but that’s not happened. I find that if I spend all day Saturday on schoolwork that I end up at the grocery Sunday after church. But it’s been very good, very nice to have a day to relax and to catch up with people and to spend some time with myself and in thought and doing some spiritual formation on my own. I’ve found that a lot of what I want to do on Sundays is read books. It might be a silly mystery novel or it could be ‘the omnivores dilemma’ (great book! I’m slowly getting through it) but it’s so regenerative, I find my Mondays much more agreeable. Although that might have more to do with no more 8:30am Monday class…

is it a brownie or a cookie?

both! 

like whoa

the semester started this week and i, along with every other person on this campus, am totally overwhelmed with the amount of work i have. the sheer number of pages i'm supposed to read and write on top of learning hebrew is really freaking me out. PLUS i'm looking to get a job. yikes. i'm currently in the MDIV/MACE dual degree program. 4 years, 2 masters degrees seems like a sweet deal to me, but i'm thinking now that i might want to drop the christian ed part of my plan. i'm already thinking of dropping my current education class- just too much work on top of everything else, and then if i do that i could potentially do a year long internship at a church and still graduate in 4 years, but be able to take less courses per semester as well as build up some really good experience, also there is a church nearby that i'm going to now that i think i can do a year long internship with. if i make any of these changes they'll be huge, but i am confident in the fact that if i do my MDIV degree and then want to get a MACE degree that i could tack it on at the end and it's still just an added year. i can make most of my electives education electives and just not do the degree till later. hmmmmm. lots to mull over. i am off to apply for a job at a starbucks that is located inside a target. heaven? perhaps :O)

perspective...

so i have been thinking about the whole OMG! michael phelps smoked POT!!!!!!!!!! scandal, and i think my inner hippy comes out because really, i don't care at all. he's 23, he's never failed a drug test during competition, he's spent most of his life in a pool, and he's a sick athlete. if the man wants to smoke weed in his off season, who am i to judge. i found this post today that puts the pot smoking in perspective. the world is freaking out about the man smoking weed, but in the world of sports there are so many hard core criminals. sexual assault, domestic violence, attempted murder, who cares?! they can play football/basketball/baseball/hockey/cricket/soccer/whatever. there are a few books out there that go through and talk about all the different crimes committed by athletes who are playing professional sports, i mean these are people who've been convicted of crimes, slapped on the wrist, and gone back into professional sports. anyway, here's the post, in my opinion it just throws the pot smoking into perspective.

i love me some big ben

HERE WE GO STEELERS, HERE WE GO!

affirmation of faith

we read this affirmation of faith today at church, it comes from the iona community

We believe in God above us, Maker and Sustainer of all life, of sun and moon, of water and earth, of male and female.

We believe in God beside us, Jesus Christ the Word made flesh, born of a woman, servant of the poor, tortured and nailed to a tree.

A man of sorrows, he died forsaken.

He descended into the earth to the place of death.

On the third day he rose from the tomb.

He ascended into heaven to be everywhere present, and his kingdom will come on earth. 

We believe in God within us, the Holy Spirit of Pentecostal fire, life-giving breath of the Church, Spirit of healing and forgiveness, source of resurrection and of eternal life. 

25 random things

i got tagged in this silly thing on facebook, so i'm just reposting it here. it was surprisingly hard to think of 25 things about me. anyway. a real post will be here soon! i promise! we're getting crappy weather so maybe things will be frozen and beautiful in the morning, and if that's the case i'll take some pictures and post them. happy tuesday!

1. i like to move furniture around. when i was in undergrad i moved my room around at least once a semester.

2. i don't like to use capitalization. punctuation is a necessity, but not capitalization. 

3. i wish i was an artist.

4. i have a birthmark on my neck

5. i suck at math. when i was in high school i was in remedial math, algebra I over two years! 

6. i love LOVE murder mystery things- tv shows, movies, books, games (clue!)

7. i think i was born in the wrong decade sometimes. 

8. when i'm at a restaurant i have to make sure that all the packets of sweenter are turned all the same way. 

9. i'm horrible with money. if i was uber rich, i'd have to have britney spears' dad be my conservator.

10. sometimes i don't want to tell people i'm in seminary because i don't want to have the awkward conversation that comes after that. "so can you drink?" "can you swear?" "can you get married?" "so you're going to just talk about jesus all the time now?" ugh.

11. i think i would be a really good actress, but i hate the thought of people looking at me.

12. i've contemplated the practicality of being a functional alcoholic. 

13. i often wonder if i've already met the person i'm supposed to marry, but i just wasn't maying attention.

14. i daydream way too much

15. my favorite color is green.

16. i can play the guitar and sing alright, but i hate doing it in front of people (the looking at me thing)

17. i LOVE coffee.

18. when i was in high school i played field hockey for a year and then quit. quitting it is one of the few things i regret. 

19. i'm totally terrified of the day my grandmother dies, i don't know what i will do without her.

20. i still can't talk about my grandfathers death without crying.

21. if i won the lottery the first thing i would do (after becoming debt free) is go visit julie in vanuatu.

22. i love to listen to npr, and sometimes i drive around much longer than i need to just to listen to the radio.

23. i want a happy ending.

24. deep in my soul i am afraid i will grow up to be the crazy cat lady. except that i'm a little allergic to cats, so i think i'd be the crazy dog lady.

25. i love giving people presents. now if only i had some more money...

little break!

hello blog readers! how are you? i hope that you're having a lovely january! i finished my january term class yesterday and now i have a break until the first day of class- feb. 2! i'm excited to really honestly have a break. i worked 3 different places over christmas break so this is my first actual break since i suppose thanksgiving? i am super excited. i'm applying for a job at the local domestic violence shelter, it's a part time job in the shelter so hopefully i can get it. i've done basically the same job in PA so hopefully i'll be a shoe in. i have to get my resume onto my mac and then i can email it to the person! wahoo! i also need to cram fall semester hebrew back into my brain and i'm hoping to get a jump start on my spring semester reading. oh and i want to finish 'the omnivores dilemma', which i'm reading for fun :O) it's been a great week, i think i watched about a million hours of inauguration coverage and i loved every minute of it! i hope you've all had a great week! i'll blog more on my week off!

paper writing....

i'm stuck slogging through a final paper (oh and 1 page self evaluation) and powerpoint presentation for my jan. class. this prof wants things to be written single spaced with a 10 pt font. who wants that? it's madness!!! so anyway i'm writing my paper and such on the use of something called 'biblical storytelling' it is just what it sounds like, people tell the stories of the bible. they do it from memory and employ many tricks of the acting trade. modulating their voice to depict different characters, moving around on stage, it can be really freakin' cool. i've seen it done a few times, we had a guy who was a biblical storyteller on our trip to israel and so each time we had a worship service he would do the scripture reading. pretty neat. one of my workshops was by a woman named sarah arthur who has written the book 'the god- hungry imagination; the art of storytelling for postmodern youth ministry'. she was amazingly cool and i'm enjoying checking out her book and writing this stuff. so the work is interesting, i just need to get it done. after tomorrows class is over i have off until feb 2! i'm going to apply for a job and spend the week getting ready for spring semester. i need to cram hebrew back into my head and i might try and get a head start on reading for the spring semester. i started going back to the gym! it's so exciting! i really do like going, i am going to sign up for the weight lifting program. if i do 6 weeks in a row at least twice a week, i get a free tshirt! wahoo! it's all about the free tshirts (right americpeeps?!) ok,well i should stop rambling here and go back to rambling in my paper :O) happy thrusday! have a great day everyone!

hugs, r

From Obama's 2004 DNC speech: 

It is that fundamental belief -- It is that fundamental belief: I am my brother’s keeper. I am my sister’s keeper that makes this country work. It’s what allows us to pursue our individual dreams and yet still come together as one American family.

Epluribus unum: "Out of many, one."

Now even as we speak, there are those who are preparing to divide us -- the spin masters, the negative ad peddlers who embrace the politics of "anything goes." Well, I say to them tonight, there is not a liberal America and a conservative America -- there is the United States of America. There is not a Black America and a White America and Latino America and Asian America -- there’s the United States of America.

The pundits, the pundits like to slice-and-dice our country into Red States and Blue States; Red States for Republicans, Blue States for Democrats. But I’ve got news for them, too. We worship an "awesome God" in the Blue States, and we don’t like federal agents poking around in our libraries in the Red States. We coach Little League in the Blue States and yes, we’ve got some gay friends in the Red States. There are patriots who opposed the war in Iraq and there are patriots who supported the war in Iraq. We are one people, all of us pledging allegiance to the stars and stripes, all of us defending the United States of America.

In the end -- In the end -- In the end, that’s what this election is about. Do we participate in a politics of cynicism or do we participate in a politics of hope?

John Kerry calls on us to hope. John Edwards calls on us to hope.

I’m not talking about blind optimism here -- the almost willful ignorance that thinks unemployment will go away if we just don’t think about it, or the health care crisis will solve itself if we just ignore it. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about something more substantial. It’s the hope of slaves sitting around a fire singing freedom songs; the hope of immigrants setting out for distant shores; the hope of a young naval lieutenant bravely patrolling the Mekong Delta; the hope of a millworker’s son who dares to defy the odds; the hope of a skinny kid with a funny name who believes that America has a place for him, too.

Hope -- Hope in the face of difficulty. Hope in the face of uncertainty. The audacity of hope!

In the end, that is God’s greatest gift to us, the bedrock of this nation. A belief in things not seen. A belief that there are better days ahead.

I believe that we can give our middle class relief and provide working families with a road to opportunity.

I believe we can provide jobs to the jobless, homes to the homeless, and reclaim young people in cities across America from violence and despair.

I believe that we have a righteous wind at our backs and that as we stand on the crossroads of history, we can make the right choices, and meet the challenges that face us.

America! Tonight, if you feel the same energy that I do, if you feel the same urgency that I do, if you feel the same passion that I do, if you feel the same hopefulness that I do -- if we do what we must do, then I have no doubt that all across the country, from Florida to Oregon, from Washington to Maine, the people will rise up in November, and John Kerry will be sworn in as President, and John Edwards will be sworn in as Vice President, and this country will reclaim its promise, and out of this long political darkness a brighter day will come.

Thank you very much everybody. God bless you. Thank you

one of my favorites...

Six months before he was assassinated, King spoke to a group of students at Barratt Junior High School in Philadelphia on October 26, 1967.

I want to ask you a question, and that is: What is your life's blueprint?

Whenever a building is constructed, you usually have an architect who draws a blueprint, and that blueprint serves as the pattern, as the guide, and a building is not well erected without a good, solid blueprint.

Now each of you is in the process of building the structure of your lives, and the question is whether you have a proper, a solid and a sound blueprint.

I want to suggest some of the things that should begin your life's blueprint. Number one in your life's blueprint, should be a deep belief in your own dignity, your worth and your own somebodiness. Don't allow anybody to make you fell that you're nobody. Always feel that you count. Always feel that you have worth, and always feel that your life has ultimate significance.

Secondly, in your life's blueprint you must have as the basic principle the determination to achieve excellence in your various fields of endeavor. You're going to be deciding as the days, as the years unfold what you will do in life — what your life's work will be. Set out to do it well.

And I say to you, my young friends, doors are opening to you--doors of opportunities that were not open to your mothers and your fathers — and the great challenge facing you is to be ready to face these doors as they open.

Ralph Waldo Emerson, the great essayist, said in a lecture in 1871, "If a man can write a better book or preach a better sermon or make a better mousetrap than his neighbor, even if he builds his house in the woods, the world will make a beaten path to his door."

This hasn't always been true — but it will become increasingly true, and so I would urge you to study hard, to burn the midnight oil; I would say to you, don't drop out of school. I understand all the sociological reasons, but I urge you that in spite of your economic plight, in spite of the situation that you're forced to live in — stay in school.

And when you discover what you will be in your life, set out to do it as if God Almighty called you at this particular moment in history to do it. don't just set out to do a good job. Set out to do such a good job that the living, the dead or the unborn couldn't do it any better.

If it falls your lot to be a street sweeper, sweep streets like Michelangelo painted pictures, sweep streets like Beethoven composed music, sweep streets like Leontyne Price sings before the Metropolitan Opera. Sweep streets like Shakespeare wrote poetry. Sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will have to pause and say: Here lived a great street sweeper who swept his job well. If you can't be a pine at the top of the hill, be a shrub in the valley. Be be the best little shrub on the side of the hill.

Be a bush if you can't be a tree. If you can't be a highway, just be a trail. If you can't be a sun, be a star. For it isn't by size that you win or fail. Be the best of whatever you are.

— From the estate of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

pictures from the conference

now, there were people there, i just chose to take pictures of "The Nature" instead :O) 

there are more pictures on facebook :) happy thursday! i hope you're all staying warm in this crazy cold weather that's sweeping across the country!

hey! the ducks are mandarin ducks! 

relflectioning from the conference...

I’m here at a conference for youth ministry workers. It’s an event called ‘the blaze’ being held at the montreat camp and conference center in North Carolina. Up in the mountains, near Ashville. It is a lovely place, and the conference is fantastic. My only complaint is the lack of downtime. I’m at this conference as part of a class ‘emerging trends in youth ministry’ and so each moment of scheduled free time, we are scheduled to be in class. Our teacher is a presenter here at the blaze and so we have that opportunity.  The keynote speaker here is a guy named mark yaconelli. He’s written a few books on the theme of contemplative youth ministry. So seeking out the time to be quiet and pray and listen for God. Seeking out God in the relationships you have with the kids you work with, letting yourself be delighted and captivated by these relationships. Finding God everyday. Part of his morning keynote address yesterday was 20 minutes at the end to just go and do whatever you felt God was calling you to do. So I went and took pictures of the lake, there were two swans and three or four crazy looking ducks hanging out in the lake and I went and for 15 minutes just stood there and watched them and took pictures. This morning at the end of the session we did a guided prayer exercise where we closed our eyes and went to somewhere sacred, somewhere that we had experienced God before. I went to the camp by my house where we took our youth group. It’s a beautiful camp out in the middle of the mountains and we were out there with the seniors, it was January so it was pretty cold and it was probably 8:00pm. Some of us decided to go for a little walk, knowing we couldn’t go far because of snow or ice or frigid cold. We walked a little ways and came out to a clearing. I remember breathing in the cold, crisp air, breathing out and seeing the breath leave my body. I looked up and saw a billion stars. The sky was just lit up with the beauty of the heavens. As I stood there with life happening around me, staring up at the stars all I could think of was “How can people see this same sky and wonder if there is a God?” The vastness of the universe overwhelmed me, the goodness of God was there in every star, every voice, every breath I was taking. As I looked around tears came to my eyes as I tried to take it all in and imprint this place at this exact time in my memory. While I was staring in literal wide eyed wonder, the wind rustled the trees around me and I felt a joy in that cold, crisp air. It was like God was talking back to me, like God too was in amazement at his creation.

In Hebrew there is a word, bahra, which means create. And this particular word can only be used to refer to God creating. It is the second word in my Hebrew bible. I try daily to notice the glory of God’s creation. I try to record it in the pictures that I take, and in the stories that I tell. I am frequently overwhelmed by the awesomeness of God and of this life that I have been given. Which is not to say there aren’t challenges. After we took ourselves to our sacred space, we sat for a while and just remembered it. Then we were asked to invite all the negative things that were present to come in. As someone who still struggles with depression this was fairly easy. Self-doubt, self-hatred, shame, sadness; it was all there. After we sat with this a while we were asked to bring God back into our sacred space. And to be there with us and with all the negative things we had invited it. We were asked to see ourselves with compassion, to see all the negative things but to also see God there in the negative things. See God spending time with us as we worked with the negative things. It was a powerful prayer. I think for me it is easy to only thank God for the good things. Only see him in the good things, it’s hard for me to see the hand of God in my depression. But I can see God sitting with me in the depression. In moments I can see how this brokenness will benefit me in the future, help me to sit with others through their own depression, and in that there is the hand of God.

After the keynote address this morning we were supposed to go to another workshop. I decided to blow off the workshop and instead spend some time writing, reflecting on the experience. Letting myself feel God sitting with me in all my negative thoughts that I can think. Mark had said that the negative thoughts are like a jail that you create yourself, and knowing that God is there with you helps you to have a tunnel out, you just have to allow yourself to take it. I don’t know if I’m there yet. I don’t know if I can tunnel out. There are moments when I feel like I’ve already left it, and moments when I feel like Andy Dufrane before he gets his rita Hayworth poster. All I see are solid walls, with no way to escape. As I sit here in my room and type this sun is coming out from behind a cloud and shining down on me. The ever-present touch of God upon my shoulder, reminding me that he is here, he is sitting with me.

gone to carolina

i'm at this place till wednesday night! at a conference on youth ministry. i'm super excited, it's a conference but it's also my jan. class. the books we've read have been pretty awesome, so i have high-ish hopes for the conference. it's at a place called montreat conference center, a presby conference center that i've never been to, but is supposed to be absolutely gorgeous. it's near ashville in north carolina. supposed to be almost 50 out the whole time we're there! have a great week! i'm not sure if there will be internet or time to post, but if not i'll post when i get home. i'm taking the camera and hopefully there will be some time for picture taking. 

icy mountain on the way back to richmond

back in the rva

i'm back in richmond! my next few days will be filled with cramming reading into my brian and churning out a few papers before a conference. i will most certainly post when i get back, if not from the conference. happy friday!

winter "break"

well, my winter break is almost over, and i've managed to work almost every single day that i've been home. between the bookstore, the center and dogsitting i've only had about 3 days off since i got home. and those days have been stressed because of all the stuff i need to get done. i have 6 books i need to read for my jan class and i've read about 2.5 of the 6. and that needs to be done in the next week. during which time i'm supposed to work 34 hours in 4 days, pack, clean, have dinner with grammy, see my friends, NOT spend money, and leave thursday night. maybe i need to take a day off this week. sigh. it's been a difficult time at home. emotionally draining and i feel like i've not really had any time off at all. i can't wait to get back to school and to see my friends and go to the gym and not be working all the time. i'm ready for things to get back to normal. or what was normal all fall semester. i'm trying to get my room cleaned up tonight, it's not working so well as i keep getting distracted, but i think i can do it. hope you're all having a lovely 2009!

favorite trees

i have two favorite trees in centre county. (doesn't everyone have favorite trees?) i always say i'm going to take pictures of them, but then i feel weird because (as you can see in the background) they're on someone's property. so this year i drove past and decided to just stop on the side of the road and take a few pictures. 

*i can't make the pictures smaller. ugh. so if you click on them they'll get bigger and you can see the whole thing, but you get the gist.